Do you believe that blessings come in little boxes? Sometimes, we expect it to be handed to us in this wonderfully, colorful, and beautifully wrapped package that we missed seeing the simple ones showered upon us everyday.
I have been so focused in waiting for His blessings to come in the way I visualized and expect it to be. Now I realized I was so wrong looking at God and His magnificence based on my standard and expectations. I should have known better that His ways are far greater than mine. His wisdom is beyond my understanding. Just like a child who trusts his parents in everything, I should trust God and simply have faith that He is in control of my life.
It is not just enough to say a hasty prayer to consider myself communicating with God. I realized this when I went to church this Sunday. From the moment I heard the choir singing, I felt compelled by the Holy Spirit. I cannot seem to stop the tears from trickling down my face. I stood there with this huge emotions in my heart and felt myself being gathered in the arms of God–hearing His soothing voice telling me He understands. I wish I could say all my insecurities, struggles and worries went down the drain that very moment, but in truth I just had to thank Him for it. I felt this blessing so intense, I cannot help but feel the joy in my heart amidst whatever I am going through.
With my imperfections, God is glorified. I truly believe He allows me to go through tough times so that I can shine for Him and not for myself. On my own, I am and will always be a person with a broken spirit, unsecured, and struggling. But with Him, I am strong and courageous.
One thing is for sure, I don’t want to continue on with my journey if God is not on my side. I would rather have these small blessings in ordinary boxes bestowed on me daily that continually reminds me that I am not alone. At the same time, nothing can stop me from hoping and praying that somehow my life will eventually move on to be better–which I know it will.
“…to burn out the pain, just find a place filled with joy. God created joy as a balm for pain. What are some places, who are some people filled with joy that you can rely on to ease your pain?”
For the past months, I have been blogging about the pain I have been struggling lately. I have talked about letting go by learning to forgive and prayed intensely for the people who have caused this pain. However, I cannot hide the fact that I am still haunted, stalked and caught unaware with just how terrible it is to be extremely hurt by the people you love. Amidst the desire to be free from it, there is always an intense fear of being hurt again. Thus, it is like a cycle that gets you up and down, going round and round–jostling you like crazy.
My husband, being a man, does not totally understand this struggle. All he knows and believes that one should just “move on” and eventually, gets over it. Oh, how I wish it’s as simple as that. You don’t have to face insecurities and doubts; nor be suspicious about anything to everything. How I wish there is no sense of vulnerability and fragility in my heart that I can just simply shout to the world “hey life! Give me your best shot! I can take it!”….no, no, no. I am simply so scared to face the next major disaster in my life for fear that I my never bring myself up again.
Am I sounding like a coward?
Today while I browse around my Facebook page, I came upon a message from one of the applications there. It mentioned about God giving us joy as balm to pain. Somehow it made me realize that it is part of everyone’s life that he or she will have to face varying degrees of pain in life. The only thing that matters is how you deal with it. Yes, you need to pray for God’s grace for forgiveness, letting go and being whole again. It is your choice NOT to let the pain control you, your happiness and your life. Today I choose to ponder the joy God has blessed me; in so doing, I believe eventually I will get over and move away from the pain in my heart.
Who and what are they? Please see my next post.