She is fat.  She’s not pretty too. In school, she’s a nobody.  At home, she’s always been told she’s different from others.  In fact, she’s not smart like her brothers and sisters.  As a result, these words that were grilled in her mind since childhood made her a mousey, negative and scared-of-challenges person.

How does a person achieve self confidence and improve self esteem?

Achieving self-confidence and in the process improve self-esteem lies on your hand.  No one else’s.  It is sad if you keep expecting other people to cheer and support you so you can overcome whatever negative feelings of doubts and insecurities in your life. That is why it is called “self” confidence and “self” esteem.  It is not parents’ esteem, friend’s esteem or society’s esteem.  The road to self-confidence is not easy.  Everybody has to work on it and there is no better way but to start now.

Recognize your insecurities.  Who is that critic telling you that you are not good enough, smart enough, and talented enough or pretty enough? This voice keeps nagging at you that you don’t have what it takes to be successful in anything? It is in truth that voice that is in your head.  As they say, you are your worst critic.  It’s time to recognize in what aspects you feel insecure.  Identify it and write it down in a piece of paper.

Remember that no one is perfect.  There are people who seems to have it all—success, money, career, family, self confidence—in truth, lack some things in their life.  They have their own insecurities.  This is reality of life. On the other hand, everyone is good at something.  It is important that you discover your talents and do things to improve it.  What you are good at may not be something others can do.  Do something that you enjoy; it may be in writing, singing or even cross stitch!  Discover the passion in yourself and let yourself be guided to do things you love.  As you do this, it can be therapeutic and will help you feel good about yourself.

Be Positive.  Even during the times you don’t feel like it.  “I can do this.” This is the mantra of confident people.  Start the day telling yourself you can do it.  During the times you are overwhelmed with work, with responsibilities and with problems, look at the mirror and tell the person looking back that “you can do it”.  One has to avoid self pity or the sympathy of others.  Never allow others to put you down—only you can stop this.  Remember belittling yourself is a sure way to your downfall.

Be thankful.  In all things, whether good or bad, be thankful for what you have. Most of the time, insecurities and lack of confidence come from the feeling of not having enough of something.  People are guilty of this because of society’s standard set in the world we live in.  Success in a person’s life is gauge at what he has and his achievements in life.  By acknowledging and appreciating what you do have, it will eliminate the feeling of being unsatisfied.

Look in the mirror and smile.  You are a beautiful person, physically and mentally.  No one should tell you otherwise.  Deep down you are the only person who knows the real you and your capabilities.  When someone gives you a compliment, accept it graciously and smile.  While walking in the park, smile.  A smile can make a big difference in your face and your personality.  The more you practice smiling, the more it comes out naturally.

The girl is still fat.  At forty, she has been through so many failures in her life whether it is in business or in relationships.  Yet, life doesn’t stop there.  It should not stop where failures happen.  She may not be rich or have the best relationships but she knows she is a better person after every failure. She is happy and thankful for everything she is blessed with.  Most of all, she deeply believe she can do anything she sets her mind into.

“Believe in your dreams and they may come true; believe in yourself and they will come true.”