“Don’t worry Ma, I’ll always take care of you especially when you are old.” The words of my 6 year old son deeply etched in my heart.
I was in tears that day feeling so alone. Being a true melancholic in nature, certain events would cause me to feel sad and cast me in a sea of despair. Usually when this happens, I try to pull myself out of depression by forcing myself to think positively. Yet, that day was different. It was too difficult convincing myself to snap out of it so I was there in a corner, sobbing like there’s no tomorrow. Suddenly, I felt tiny arms hugging me tightly. Tear filled eyes looked up and saw my son Josh looking at me with so much tenderness and love. “I’ll take care of you Ma.” He said while his pudgy hands wiped the tears from my eyes. A warm feeling spread over my body as his words connected to my soul. I looked at him at a new light and wondered how could my 6 year old son grew up so suddenly?
Josh came to me at the lowest point of my life. In fact, I used to call him the “balm” of my weary heart. He was the baby I never thought I would have. I have 4 daughters from my previous marriage and they were living with their father. With Josh, I knew he is and will always be mine. As he was growing up, he fills my life with laughter and joy. Being smart and sweet, he may be an image of his father but he has my spirit and much more. I used to look at him and wish I could be more like him. Always waking up exuberant and happy with life, he seldom let anything pulls him down. At 6, Josh always has an answer to everything. Always wanting to know more, he was like a prosecutor who never stops asking. His memory is like a computer–seldom forgetting details. Most of all, Josh doesn’t know the word “hate”. He loves everyone–his dad, his sisters, his teacher (who is really scary), all his classmates (except the girls), his grandparents, his nanny and most of all, his mom.
There is a wisdom in him at his young age that never ceases to surprise me. Normally, he can be such a pest especially when I am busy working. It would seem like he’s doing it on purpose to see how I will react to his peskiness. More often than not, I would lose my patience and scream at him to behave. He would react by silently wandering away head hanging. I always feel guilty whenever I see him like this. I would call him out and explain why I had to finish work. After kissing and hugging him, he would flash his toothless front teeth smile at me. With eyes sparkling, he would start pestering me again. Eventually, I had to stop working and wait till he sleeps before resuming work. He is still a child but then again, he would surprise me by being so sensitive and caring. Once while we were walking around the mall, we passed by a jewelry shop. I stood there admiring a nice bracelet when I felt him tagging my hand. “Yes?” I asked. “Do you like it?” He asked. I smiled and told him yes. It was a beautiful gold tennis bracelet with twelve sparkling diamonds around it. Josh looked at it intently. “When I grow up and have lots of money, I’ll buy it for you” He said very importantly.
Somehow, he is and will always be the balm of my weary soul and I always thank God for giving me Josh.