It’s been a year since the very first day I got to see my sweet and beautiful granddaughter. Yes, I am a young grandma at the age of 40.  My eldest daughter gave birth to Holly Gillian a year ago through C-section and I was at her side.  The reality of becoming a grandma did not really sink in until the day I got to hold the precious, delicate and wonderful sleeping baby in my arms.  Since then, I knew that my heart will always have a very special place for my grand daughter.

My daughters live with their father, his wife and their son.  Since Holly’s mom and dad live in the Manila most of her first year, I was blessed to be able to visit her as much as time and money allow.  Every time I get to see and hold her, my heart is filled with joy.  Those were days how I wish time would stand still until I get my fill of memories I can safely keep in my heart.  Sadly, all I have with Holly are memories.  I get to see her when her parents post pictures and videos at Facebook.  I would grab every pictures of her and file it in my computer.  Nothing will change the fact that in my daughters’ and granddaughter’s life, I will always be at the sideline.  It saddens me to think that at this very moment when I should be with Holly planning and preparing for her first birthday party, I am miles away not included in any of the preparations.

My ex-husband and I are not in good terms.  We were civil towards each other previously but something happened a year ago that we stay out of each other’s way.  It pains me to think that in every milestone in our grand daughter’s life, I have no say.  No one ask me what my opinion is or what I can suggest.  No one even understand how much pain I have to go through every birthday, every Christmas, every Mother’s Day being far from my daughters.  Someone once told me that this is the consequence of the choices I made in the past and yes, I have to deal with it.  Somehow the thought that every day life goes on makes the pain easier to bear. Tomorrow when Holly turns one, I know I have to be happy that God has been so good and gave me this bundle of joy that I can call my granddaughter.

Pictures of Holly

Isn’t she the prettiest baby?

She’s perfect in my arms

Struggling with her first solid food 🙂

This is one of the best pictures of Holly

What are you doing, Holly?

One of those cherished times spent with Holly

Holly, I love you so much.  I missed you and wish with all my heart to see you on your birthday.  I always pray to God that He will bless you to grow up well, healthy, kind and happy.

Happy, happy 1st birthday!

Love, Grandma Lynne