Admittedly, my mother and I never shared what most would consider a special mother-daughter bond.  Maybe this is because while growing up, my mother had to spend more time making our printing business thrive and she had to spend more time to be with my elder brother and sister living in New York.  The only time I got to really appreciate all my mother’s sacrifice, pain and love for me was during the many times I stumbled and fell. Not that she had encouraging words for me or ams to hug me tight and palms to wipe my tears but my mother’s way of showing love and support is totally different.  However and whatever it may be, being a mother myself, I know that mothers hurt the most when their daughters are in pain.

After being away from my own daughters for several years that led to my legal separation with their dad, the role of being a mother and friend to them is both fulfilling and painful.  Making up for the years I missed out on their lives is doubly hard since I live far from them.  The mere fact that I cannot be always at their side physically to hug and cry with them is in itself tearing my heart to pieces.  Although I tried every possible ways to let them know I am always here for them any time they need me, it is still different being so far.

Sometimes they would call especially if they have problems and hurting. Being a mom, you feel their pain and struggles.  If they ask for my opinion or advise, I give it to them but I learned that what I think does not really matter. What is more important, I am a friend who listens.  This makes my role fulfilling.

I realized that being a mom hurts especially when you have to let them go.  The more you hold on to them, the more they struggle for their freedom.  The more you try to put yourself in the picture, the more they shy away. The more you call, the more they wonder why you are calling.  The pain does not stop here.  The people they call “family” does not really include you.  The picture they posted in their blogs with caption “family” does not have your face in there.  Pictures of them happy with their step mother at their side is slowly killing you to pieces.  Graduation rites, weddings, birthdays and any other milestones would mean you looking on–never a part.  It makes you wonder how much pain can a mother take?

Children are not to blame.  I don’t blame them at all.  I don’t want to blame myself too, since I have been doing this for the past ten years.  I just know that mothers love and hurt so much.

Being a daughter, I wish I can tell my mom to hug me and wipe my tears away as her daughter is in so much pain right now.  Yet, as a mom, I have to be strong and be “cool”.  I have to be thankful if and when they remember and include me.

When does it end?  It does not.  This is what I have learned from my own mother.  Being a mom is forever.

 

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