“…to burn out the pain, just find a place filled with joy. God created joy as a balm for pain. What are some places, who are some people filled with joy that you can rely on to ease your pain?”

For the past months, I have been blogging about the pain I have been struggling lately.  I have talked about letting go by learning to forgive and prayed intensely for the people who have caused this pain.  However, I cannot hide the fact that I am still haunted, stalked and caught unaware with just how terrible it is to be extremely hurt by the people you love. Amidst the desire to be free from it, there is always an intense fear of being hurt again. Thus, it is like a cycle that gets you up and down, going round and round–jostling you like crazy.

My husband, being a man, does not totally understand this struggle.  All he knows and believes that one should just “move on” and eventually, gets over it.  Oh, how I wish it’s as simple as that.  You don’t have to face insecurities and doubts; nor be suspicious about anything to everything. How I wish there is no sense of vulnerability and fragility in my heart that I can just simply shout to the world “hey life! Give me your best shot! I can take it!”….no, no, no.  I am simply so scared to face the next major disaster in my life for fear that I my never bring myself up again.

Am I sounding like a coward?

Today while I browse around my Facebook page, I came upon a message from one of the applications there.  It mentioned about God giving us joy as balm to pain. Somehow it made me realize that it is part of everyone’s life that he or she will have to face varying degrees of pain in life.  The only thing that matters is how you deal with it.  Yes, you need to pray for God’s grace for forgiveness, letting go and being whole again.  It is your choice NOT to let the pain control you, your happiness and your life. Today I choose to ponder the joy God has blessed me; in so doing, I believe eventually I will get over and move away from the pain in my heart.

Who and what are they? Please see my next post.