“Confront the dark parts of yourself, and work to banish them with illumination and forgiveness. Your willingness to wrestle with your demons will cause your angels to sing. Use the pain as fuel, as a reminder of your strength.” August Wilson
The Lord has been good to me all my life.
At this point, although money is still scarce and my prayers would constantly ask for financial blessings, I can truly say what is vitally important is to have the peace of mind amidst the storms my life is constantly facing. Lately, I was not spared from facing insecurities, fear and sadness. I guess, at this age, I should accept that these three are constantly my companions on my worst days.
But this blog is not about my worst days. This blog is about how I have been coping with whatever challenges are thrown my way.
I may seem like a withered leaf whenever someone comes along my life and push me to doubt myself and my capabilities, but I am made of stronger stuff than this. This is something I need to remind myself every single hour of the day. Although I may seem a weakling– crying when in pain and even when in anger, I am strong because the Lord is my strength at all times.
I have to be strong for my children.
Even though most of the time my daughters seem to handle their own lives efficiently, once in a while they would still need mommy to be strong for them. I may not be the parent they turn to at all times, but I know I am their best friend at their worst. Somehow I have to be strong to be the shoulder they can lean on. I have to strengthen my heart whenever I hear them crying and not break down.
I have to be strong to be the best that I can be at work.
Work has been quite a challenge these past months. I keep telling myself that God has wonderful plans for me. He knows what I am capable of. He knows what I can handle. Most of all, only He knows that Charlene can be the best! The problem always lies on the fact that I have so much insecurity within myself. This, I believe, is the main reason there would be times I feel lost and unsure. Someone once told me, I am the type to worry a lot because I am afraid of rejections. I see wisdom in his words.
The bad thing about me is that I put myself down a lot. I give myself dozens of excuses why other people like my daughter is a better writer and earns bigger. I know, stupid isn’t it? I have to be strong and make my skin thicker. With thicker skin, every rejection won’t matter and stop me from being the best that I can be. I have to start believing that I AM THE BEST.
I have to be strong for myself.
….and I can only do this through Christ who strengthens me. I believe that God is preparing something greater for me. He will give me the desires of my heart—to work on jobs that I love, earn as much as I am capable of, continue to be a mother and best friend to my kids, and to find the peace and happiness my heart is constantly hoping for.
For me to survive this life, I have to be strong.